The good news is that you have the ability to create thoughts and not just simply obey the ones that come unannounced. We’ve all heard from various books that explore the concept of behaviors and trauma being passed down from one generation to the next. Examples include “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, which discusses intergenerational trauma and its effects on behavior and mental health. “It Didn’t Start with You” by Mark Wolynn explores the idea of inherited family trauma and its impact on behavior. “Trauma and Recovery” by Judith Herman discusses the impact of trauma on individuals and families, including intergenerational effects. The Bible (Exodus 20:5-6, Numbers 14:18, and Deuteronomy 28:32) describes the concept of generational curses and the idea that the sins of the parents can affect their children and grandchildren.
These books offer insights into the concept of intergenerational transmission of behaviors, trauma, and emotional patterns and how they shape our lives. Any community that wants to deviate from previous behaviors must be intentional and open to learning new ways of doing or being that move them in the direction they wish to go.
Imagine you have a friend you always meet at the same time, same restaurant, same town. One day, one of you says, “Hey, can we try a new place and town next time?” and you say, “Sure.” In today’s world, with technology and access to so much information, we ask ourselves many questions: Where do we want to go? What do we want to see? How do we want to feel while we are there? And most importantly, what do we feel like having? After gathering all this information, we say, “Ok, here are the choices according to our research,” and then we ask, “How far is this place from us both?” “Can we get there?” “How much time does it take to travel there?”
The same goes for being intentional with our thinking. We need to intentionally ask ourselves questions like “Who do we want to be?” and “How do we want to show up?” These questions can guide us as we channel our thinking and align our values as individuals and families. We have to open ourselves up to the new – the new experiences, the new territories within ourselves.
Let’s converse about the incredible power of your mind. Have you ever wondered how your thoughts shape your truth? The good news is that you have the ability to create thoughts and not just simply obey the ones that come unannounced. As part of human nature, let’s acknowledge that our minds are constantly influenced by the thoughts and beliefs of those around us – our cognitive parents. These thoughts can shape our self-talk, beliefs, and actions. But what if you could break free from limiting beliefs and create a new, authentic you?
Awareness is crucial. Increase your awareness, taking stock the same way you would if you owned a store and needed to replenish the goods for the week ahead. Take the time to notice your own thoughts. You want to know what is happening between your ears. I recommend taking stock when you are happy, sad, waking up, or going to bed. Notice which thoughts visit daily, which are heavy, and which you keep following and believing. In other words, get to know your thoughts fully, welcoming and accepting their presence.
I often share the story of psychologists and psychiatrists who were overwhelmed after World War I when they first saw depressed soldiers. They concluded that if your thoughts are bothering you, go ahead – change your thoughts and feel better. This was revolutionary at the time; they came up with techniques such as restructuring, reframing, and challenging negative thoughts, reframing your thinking into positive thinking. These strategies helped them cope at the time. Those of us who have tried this know it works for a short time but then requires a long-term plan.
The long-term plan involves being with our thoughts, welcoming our experiences, and realizing that we are not our thoughts. Our body is in the here and now. I like to use this metaphor: passengers as thoughts, and you the “self” as the driver. Our thoughts are like passengers on our journey. Sometimes they hold important information, and sometimes they are just casually present, can be loud, and sometimes they can be difficult to be with, but often we as the driver don’t need to act on what is going on with our passengers. Our simple task is to hold the journey in mind and follow a clear direction as to how to reach the destination. As we drive, our passengers come with us, and most importantly, our main destination does not change because of our passengers; we may add a stopover, but you continue the journey regardless.
By recognizing and understanding generational thought patterns, you can break the cycle and create new, empowering beliefs for yourself and future generations.
Lastly, acceptance is crucial in this journey. Accepting yourself and your thoughts without judgment allows you to observe them without being overwhelmed. Acceptance does not mean resignation but rather acknowledging.